Dear Holey Pants & Incomprehensible Formerly Black Shirt,

We've been through a lot together, my friends.

Holey Pants, we've both changed a lot over over the years. I was almost five inches shorter when we first met. I was wearing you when I first met Sarah Goddess and fell for her in New Braunfels. You were there during my timultuous junior high years. You held together.

Of course, over time the wear and tear took its toll on you and eventually that wear deemed you against the dress code. I know, I know, you tried as hard as you could, and I have accomodated you as best I can. Unfortunately, the hole has gotten so big that it exposes the pocket which looks like underwear. And though it pains me to say it, I must be honest with you. You've been replaced. Another pair of pants have worn thin and holes have formed. I now have a new friend to keep my legs not-so-warm-because-of-holes when I'm doing laundry, and your services are just no longer required. You have Sarah Goddess, but those pants have someone else. Time marches on, my friend, and it's time for you to go.

Incomprehensible Formerly Black Shirt, please don't think that this is easy for me. Remember when we first met? You were in the unclaimed clothes bin in the Seabrook Intermediate PE dressing room. I needed a shirt that day and I adopted you. I don't know what you said then, and I don't know what you say now. Something about "Peace NO Piece" and "Peace makes the world go round."

It seems our politics are at odds, but we've been good friends. You've turned gray with age, your letters faded more than they were even faded when we met. The lettering at the bottom, which appears to be a series of colors only emphasizes your colorlessness over the years.

Unfortunately, your collar and sleeves are fraying and you've become stretched so thin that you feel more like an undershirt. Remember Tim's wedding? When I forgot my undershirt? You made such a good one... for a (formerly) black shirt. You caught all the sweat, and the sweat you carried I'm sure has worn you down. You were there for me, and I will never forget you.

Say high to the High Holey Maroon Football Undershirt and Boston Bruins Unintentional Spaghetti Shirt for me, if you would. I'd greatly appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Author of the Block You Cannot Read

Holey Pants 1992-2003, RIP
Incomprehensible Formerly Black Shirt 1990-2003, RIP