MSN has another one of those oh-so-great List'o'10s. This time it approaches the touchy subject of how to break up with someone.

10. Take her to a nice restaurant
Show her that you still care about her, in spite of everything, by taking her out for one last special night. Avoid any place with sentimental significance -- such as the restaurant where you shared a first date.

Yeah, it'll be kinda like that scene in Jerry Maguire where Jay Mohr fires Tom Cruise in a restaurant so that he can't make a scene. Except you're not exactly firing her because you're not paying her. Tell her to look at the bright side: her net income is actually going up because she won't have to waste gas coming to see you or buy you any more gifts! Yeah, she won't get your gifts anymore either, but you never buy her anything worth a damn, do you?

9. Give her a parting gift
Giving your former one and only something to remember you by is a nice touch, because it suggests your time together was special. Don't go for extravagant jewelry, but do choose something small and thoughtful.

It also provides her fodder to throw against the wall and stomp on as she curses your parents for ever concieving you. She'll get over it, though. Prepare for that, though, and get her something recyclable cause if that's all she's got to remember you by, she's not going to have much reason to remember you for anyway and it'll either be recycled or in a land-fill and you don't hate the environment, do you?

8. Talk to her folks
Let's assume the two of you had a deep and meaningful relationship, in which case you've probably gotten to know her parents pretty well. So if you want to offer a touch of class, give them a call a few days after the breakup.

Unless she hasn't told them yet. In which case you've not only dumped her, you've robbed her of the duty of telling her parents and/or have gotten her in trouble.

7. Shed a tear or two
Nothing says "I'm terribly sorry" like a little sensitivity, as long as your tears are genuine. You may think crying isn't manly, but honest tears will show her how truly sorry you are about the breakup.

In fact, if it is so obviously that painful to you, the other nine on the list become obsolete. Who wants to argue or yell at a man that's crying? It's like the Jerry Maguire thing.

6. Write her a letter
This doesn't mean you can let the mailman do the dirty work for you. You still have to break up in person; just have a written note handy to say the things that, verbally, are just "too painful."

And she'll bring herself to read it right about the time she thinks it's okay to. Then she'll experience the heart-breaking rejection all over again. Good work!

Maintain a friendship
As happy as you might be to be a bachelor again, you shouldn't leave her high and dry, especially if you really cared about her. Contact her a few days after the tragic event (preferably by e-mail, to avoid the initial awkwardness) and ask her how she's doing.

Eventually, you can include her in some of your outings with your posse to show her that you still appreciate her company. Just make sure you don't give her any hints that you might still want her (read: casual sex is a no-no).

Nothing says "party time" with your posse like the angry, dejected ex-girlfriend. When you tell her you "still want to be friends," make sure that you haven't finished that steak. You may need it for your black eye.

Don't flirt with others too soon
Breaking up is more than just a one-day event. A lot of it has to do with the aftermath, that is, how you handle your first few days as a free agent.

And avoid getting spotted at some bar, hitting on anything that moves. If you truly cared about her, the least you could do is make her feel good by giving her the impression that she can't be replaced so quickly.

I.. well.. yeah... err... no comment.

Let her keep the gifts
One of the slimiest things you can do is ask her to give back whatever items of yours she might still have. Unless she has your Benz stashed in her garage, you can probably afford to replace those old sweatshirts or CDs. The last thing you want is to look like a jerk or a cheapskate.

Don't let it bother you that your autographed Mark McGwire poster is being burned in a ritual bonfire. Just think of it as the divorce settlement for the never married...

Talk to her friends
If you really want to convey that her well-being is your top priority -- which is what a real gentleman would do -- call up one or two of her closest friends and inquire as to how she's doing. Make it clear, however, that you don't regret breaking it off (or else her friends might report that you want her back). You just want to make sure she's all right. Maybe then her girlfriends won't think you're such a loser after all.

Your... uhmm... TOP priority? And when you break up with her, why don't you tell her "I'm doing this for you! You're too good for me!"... and keep that steak handy.

As for calling the friends and trying to convery a message, get them to properly interpret the message, and to pass it on to her. It would probably be easier to invent a time machine, go back, and negate the relationship from it's start. You could say "Even though I am still single and not seeing anyone (see #4), I have absolutely no interest in starting things back up with her, I'd still like to know how's she's doing." and it will be passed on to her as "He asked about you and told me that he was lonely without you."

Be honest
Okay, so maybe giving her the exact specifics as to why you're letting her go will leave you prone to bodily harm. But it's probably one of the most respectful ways you can broach it. Tell her exactly how you feel and the real reasons why you're leaving her, without insulting her too much. Telling her you're no longer attracted to her is one thing; mentioning that she put on a few pounds will garner you nothing but a body cast.

Being honest means letting her know exactly where she stands, without the risk of being misunderstood. And doesn't she, at the very least, deserve the truth?

If you decide to part ways, being a gentleman about it will at least help you stand tall and wash your hands from her without regrets, so that you can start with a clean slate when the next lucky lady comes along.

And doesn't she also deserve to have the breakup be something other than a pre-concieved checklist downloaded over the Internet?

What I guess I'm trying to say here is that most of these are re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Things are going to go badly (at first) and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Don't be stupid about it and try to be as genuine as you can and if things are going to work out (in the platonic sense, of course), they'll work out. How you carried yourself in the relationship will have a lot more to do with what happens then how you go about ending it.

UPDATE: This has gotta be a first. I don't think anyone has ever wanted to break up with me without the bother of actually getting into the relationship first. Heck, though, if Sisyphus (for lack of a more visible name) wants to buy me a parting gift and take me out to a nice restaurant so they can dump me, I'm all about free stuff.