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She Thought, He Thought: More Fun With MSN Lists
R. Alex Whitlock
First off, I admit
this list of questions a girl asks herself on a blind date wasn't nearly as lame as the other one because it was entertaining and pointless rather than being stupid and pointless. Nonetheless, inspiration struck.
Red is from the original article, blue is her date is thinking.
1. Do I look nervous?
Maybe it?s just a coincidence that I locked my keys in the car. I?ll deal with that later. More importantly, is my lipstick okay? I wish I hadn?t worn this thong.
I think she's nervous
Hurm. Is she nervous or is she mistaking her fingernails for something edible?
2. Didn?t he already use that joke?
Uh-oh. I thought his material was original, not retreads. Please tell me he?s not one of those guys who fires off corny, old jokes like balls in a batting cage when he?s trying to impress a date.
If I tell the joke enough times, she's bound to laugh eventually...
Weird, she didn't laugh the second time I said it either. Maybe if I tell it a third time, she'll realize how super incredibly funny it is! Hm. Or not. Should I go for a fourth?
3. Perfect
The only odor I detect on him is the faint hint of shaving cream. That means I can leave the anti-cologne gas mask in my purse.
She doesn't notice... she doesn't notice... she doesn't notice...
I can't believe I ran out of cologne again. I wonder if Walmart has any more...
4. Wasn?t his hair darker in the photo?
Maybe the lighting was different. But I remember his hairline being lower, too. How old was that photo anyway?
Wasn't she fifty pounds lighter in the photo
It was a studio shot... maybe it's one of those diet before/after ads except done in reverse. I wonder if they do that...
5. Wow
Once he gets warmed up, he?s really good at this. No interrogation ? just a comfortable give and take. I like that alert, intelligent look, as if he?s genuinely interested in me. Now this is the fine art of social intercourse.
Hot diggity
She's laughing. This would be an excellent opportunity to try that joke for a fourth time!
6. What a relief
He?s as funny in person as he was online. My stomach is starting to hurt from laughing. I hope I can get this coffee down without choking. How does he come up with those one-liners so fast? And why is that other table looking at me? Oh my gosh, I?m snorting!
Uh oh
Okay, I wish I'd had a little foreknowledge of this whole snorting thing. Maybe they should make an emoticon for snorting. Or an abbreviation. LOLAS for Laughing Out Loud and Snorting or SOOL for Snorting Obnoxiously Out Loud.
7. Yum!
His mouth has a sensual little upturn at the sides, and check out those hands. They?re as big as plates! Nicely manicured. He takes care of himself.
Hel-lo?
It's not my hand talking to you, babe. How would you like it if I just looked at your breasts?...
8. What does he think of me?
He seems to be enjoying himself. If it weren?t so cold in here, I?d unzip my jacket. Then again, with what I paid for this outfit, forget the chill. Maybe the look in his eyes will keep me warm.
... Not that I could even if I wanted to. Wear that jacket next time, I'm gonna wear gloves. That'll teach her...
9. Who?s going to pay the tab?
If I offer to split it, he might think I?m not interested. This is no time for feminist dignity. When the waiter hands him the check, I?m keeping my mouth shut. Let?s see if he?s classy or cheap.
Oh, I'm paying?
She's either broke or a freeloader. This can't be good...
10. A peck on the cheek goodbye!
What kind of kiss was that? I thought we had some chemistry here. But wait: he?s inviting me out for Saturday night, and wants me to wear something dressy. Oh yeah, bring it on home to mama!
Don't order a Philly Cheesesteak next time!
If I don't find a date to my father's retirement party on Saturday, Mom finds me one... [shudder]
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