America no longer land of the free
By Skuz Deth

Many people ask me, ?Hey Skuz, what do you think of the current state of our union??

I tell them that I am most displeased. When the grand tribe of Indians founded our country, they intended for it to be a free nation where people could speak freely. I?m 1/36th Irigonquin and I can tell you they?re spinning in their Celestial Camel Hunting Ground!

All across our country, free speech is being stifled. Sure, I may have gotten this column published in this major metropolitan newspaper, but I fully expect to receive thousands of letters from people who will try to argue what I am saying on its merits. The implicit threat is that if I don?t know what I?m talking about, I should shut up. See? They?re trying to shut me up in this supposedly free country of ours.

The talk of the day seems to be going to war with Iraq, but it?s merely the latest stage in High Master Bush?s phony war. Despite evidence from France, a truly free country where the age of consent is fifteen and I can smoke weed wherever I want, people still believe the 9/11 ?attacks? actually happened.

Whether you believe they did or not, you can?t be so naïve as to believe that Bush didn?t plan this. If so, please explain to me why it just so happened that Bush wasn?t in the World Trade Center or the Pentagon that day. Yeah, that?s what I thought.

So now he wants to attack Iraq. What has Iraq done to deserve this kind of treatment? Supposedly they invaded Kuwaitt, but how does our invasion of Afghanistan fit in to that? Besides, fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Killing is totally wrong and stuff.

The other argument is that Saddam Hussein oppresses his own people. Well, maybe he does gas the Kurds, but keep in mind that Bush wants to drill for oil in the caribou habitat of Alaska. So I ask you, which country is truly the most unfree here?

Meanwhile our country here is going to Hell in a Handbasket. The economy is in the crapper, Little Baby Jesus is starving in the street, and God is dead and nobody cares!

People are trying to say it?s the fault of the businessmen who are supposedly stealing from the people, but what no one realizes is that capitalism is theft! I?ve made millions off of our latest CD release, live concert DVD, and other paraphernalia, and it?s really had to live with that. My new kick-ass stereo system helps, but I cry when I think about the starving children in Africa that put it together in the Calcutta sweatshop.

We need to come to terms with the fact that we now live in a totalitarian state. The rich get richer, the fat get fatter, and the stoned become fewer and further in between. What happened to the 60?s, man? We wave our flags and open our lands to drilling while my Indian ancestors cry. Like in that commercial.

Go Nader! Rock on!

-Skuz Deth, a native New Yorker born Simon Gurstein, is the drummer for the punk rock band Flaming Monkey Turds, and thus a qualified analyst of geopolitical issues.-