Monday, September 22 (Morning) - I compose a post whining about the arrogance of Gattaca Software, an infamously bad employer that I not only don't care to work for, but wants me to beg for a job.

Monday, September 22 (Afternoon) - A company called TAG calls me about a job opening. I was initially excited. I agreed to an interview the next day. He said I was overqualified for the position and he wanted it filled right away (the interview, he said, was mostly a formality). I'd recalled applying for them with four others on Thursday, but remembered little about them. Since I hadn't heard of them, I figured they were probably up in Dallas (I applied to two jobs in Dallas, two in Houston, and one in Austin).

I go back and see which job they were offering and ta-da, they're in Austin.

"Oh crap!"

As per my policy, I sent them my "Austin resume" with a local address. Most employers won't call back if they don't think you're local and since I have a place to live in Fort Worth, Austin, and Houston, I apply to each of them locally.

Except... the friend who lives there moved to Alabama.

"Oh crap!!!"

So I spend the morning scrambling to find out if there is anyone's couch I can sleep on for the three month tenure of the position. I have one friend in North Austin and another in San Marcos. Since the job is on the south side and the San Marcos friend is among my very best, I call him first.

"Dude, you can't sleep on the couch..." he says.

Crud.

"We've got a spare bedroom."

Yeehaw! That's perfect. I'd love to live with said friend for a few months. That'd be not only practical, but downright awesome.

That's about when I knew that I wasn't going to get the job.

Tuesday, September 23 (Morning) - TAG called and cancelled the interview. Apparently there was some sort of aptitude test I am supposed to take. It's apparently not a conditional factor of employment, but simply paperwork to be shuffled. Unfortunately, their client (I found out that TAG is a recruiting firm) didn't have them available. He said he was aiming for the end of the week, but it would take the test a couple weeks or so to come in. I was too tired to make sense of this except to think:

Bummer.

Tuesday, September 23 (Afternoon) - The Gattaca Software Company called and informed me that they do have an opening for me as a network technician. The more they explained it, the more it sounded like the job my roommate has with them (he got the spot with less experience and without a college degree... what did I get by going to college again?)

We lined up an interview for Thursday (25th) afternoon. I use the word "interview" lightly, as I was only going in to give blood, urine, and hair samples take an IQ test.

Thursday, September 25 (Afternoon) - I went in to Gattaca Software's corporate headquarters for my test. I had to fill out a basic application. I nervously do. Not nervous because I have something to hide, mind you, but because I was afraid to make any mistakes and have to erase them. I can just imagine the GSC scientists looking over the document:

John: "There is a smudge of an erasermark over his name. I don't believe that we want to hire someone that doesn't even know their own name. DENIED!"
Jim: "His 'm' in Company looks an awful lot like an 'n'. I don't believe we want to hire anyone that makes any mistakes ever."
John: "So right, Jim, or anyone that displays any semblence of being human at all..."

The test washeavily timed. I hate heavily timed test. My mind works slow, but thorough. I gave it my best and came away thinking that I probably did quite well.

Friday, September 26 (Afternoon) - I called up TAG to get some clarifications on the things I was too drowsy to understand before. He says that their client is likely to forego the test. He's awaiting instruction on how to preceed. He takes a look at my resume and says that I am more than perfect for the job. He told me to call them back if I hadn't heard from him in a couple of days. Employment through TAG started looking optomistic again.

Monday, September 29 (Afternoon) - Gattaca called again. It was a different person than before that explained to me everything that I already knew about the job. She asked when I might be able to come in for an interview. I made one at the next available appointment, Tuesday morning.

Tuesday, September 30 (Morning) - I went in and interview with a woman who looks quite a bit like Liv Tyler. I believe that I did remarkably well with it, which is great considering that interviews are not my strongsuit (and I was working on little sleep). After I finished with that, she told me that I had another round of tests to take: Mental acuity, current events, mechanical knowledge, and a personality profiling test.

When I finished with that, they had me fill out a second job application, this time with essay questions:

"When have you blown it big time and how did you react to your fuck-up?"

"What do you do in your spare time?"

"Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?"

"Are you a fugitive from justice in any American states? (Canada also included)"

"Have you ever sold drugs?"

"If so, how much?"

"If not, why not?"

I finished the test and came home.

Tuesday, September 30 (Afternoon) - I called TAG again. They told me that they haven't heard back from their client yet. They're busy in the process of mass layoffs (presumably in favor of hiring temporary help, like me!).