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The Venucian Martians
R. Alex Whitlock
Something tells me that Stacey Pressman is going to get a lot of
marriage proposals this week.
Frankly, I'm done with the back-and-crack-waxing-salon-spa guy. Does America really need to see all of this "manscaping?" What's wrong with a good old-fashioned manly man? One who doesn't know the difference between mauve and taupe, and who won't refer to his wardrobe as "couture." Heck, I'll take him color-blind.
To me, there is something endearing about a man with wrinkled khakis, the kind that signifies, "I'm not too perfect." You boys can have your Armani and Gucci man boutiques. You can strive for overpriced perfection. I'll find the Armani guy. Only he'll be on a TJ Maxx rack with a tag dangling off him that reads "slightly irregular." Any savvy shopper knows there's nothing wrong with a faint quirk. It's called a good deal.
A fashionably clueless man needs me to tell him that his paisley tie with the ketchup stain might look better on him than the Garcia tie with the barbeque sauce. It creates levity in a relationship. And those dreaded nose hairs, don't worry, I'll get them. Fab 5, leave him alone, I'll work on him. He's my project. Don't you know that's part of the fun for some of us women?
When I was on the football team in junior high, we had to dress up the day of our home games. Dress shirt, tie, the works. I really didn't know how to do a tie and so naturally, it was lopsided and goofy looking.
There was a girl in my social studies class. I don't remember much about her other than that she was generally quiet and ran with the troublemakers. Some kid was making fun of my inept tie configuration when she walked up to me, unfurled the tie and retied it correctly.
I fell in love with her on the spot.
Observations
I'll take her.
I like a guy who makes some effort to look neat even if he is not super-stylish. A certain amount of dorkiness in dress is OK, as long as he is well-groomed (e.g., nails trimmed, shaved/neat facial hair, etc.). My experience is that super-fashionable guys are too high-maintenance and selfish to be interested in. That category also includes guys who spend too much time in the weight room.
On the other hand, I'm not interested in a rehab project. My ex was color-blind and I had ongoing warfare with his mother about what colors looked better on him. I don't mind helping, but my ex taught me I didn't want sole responsibility for dressing a man.
I fall somewhere in between the fashionably helpless and fashionably acute, though I'm presently growing in a full beard and it looks a little odd to say the least. If I am seeing somebody important (job interview, someone I'm dating, etc.), I will generally go the extra mile to make that the exception rather than the rule.
I have certain colors that I really like (blue and green) that look pretty good on me and others that are considered faux pas (dark blue and black), but I don't really care (and ultimately neither would any woman that I could end up marrying).
Sorry, Mike. I dunno where she is these days. I just hope not in prison or dead, both of which are possible. Hopefully her "crowd" was a phase. She really did seem better than them.
Ginger: Good gawd, how in the world did I ever lure you out for Sunday coffee? Hell, by Sundays I've generally not trimmed goatee or shaved ... in several days. :)
Heh, I was just sort of joking Alex :)
The Fab 5 have helped me because lately when I clean the house or go through my closet I secretly imagine what specific things they'd pick to rip apart...
My sink has never been cleaner.
But I know the secret (at least in my house) to pleasing my wife's fashion sensibilities: I let her buy the clothes. I've never cared that much about it, and I'm happy to wear what makes her happy.
I do maintain veto power, though...
Good call, Artist. Always maintain veto power. Very, very important.
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