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Adventures of Bleachsmith
R. Alex Whitlock
Things I learned cleaning up and closing out my apartment in Thrifthaven:
- Once upon a time I dated a girl named Lisa. While she was insane to the core, she knew a whole lot about cleaning chemicals. She mentioned that two common cleaning chemicals together can be lethal. I learned that I should write these things down.
- Bleach does a great job of cleaning out toilets.
- If you have bleach in a toilet and you urinate in that toilet, it does weird and interesting things. Remember when Jack Nicholson fell in the vat of acid to become The Joker? Yeah, that kind of reaction.
- I don't recomment doing the above unless you wear pants you're willing to throw away.
- When bleached, navy blue turns - of all colors - pink.
- A very unmanly pink.
- There is probably an evolutionary reason for this, discouraging men to clean by emasculating those that do and therefore adding an additional incentive to find a woman to do his cleaning for him. Don't kill the messenger.
- You know what they say about inhaling too much Tilex and/or bleach and/or Windex? Well, I don't know if they actually say anything about it/them, but if they do it's totally true I swear to you.
- There is no discernable difference between different kinds of Tilex.
- Contacts and Tilex/bleach/Windex fumes do not mix. Unless you hate yourself.
- Unplug the fridge after removing burritos from them.
- The one advantage of having a 12x12' apartment is that there is less to clean.
- The downside to having a 12x12' apartment in Thrifthave is that less stuff to clean seems to take longer.
- There is a long forgotten DC comics character named Terrorsmith. He can't touch anything cause it makes them turn in to monsters. This evening gave me an idea for Bleachsmith, a character who touched bleach and messed up his clothes and therefore is afraid to touch anything else ever again. He is, in fact, looking at his keyboard right now to make sure that the keys thereon are not becoming bleached.
- They are not.
Observations
Great stuff! (Your writing, not the bleach.) I certainly hope your new, non-Thrifthaven location is as much of an improvement as you've led us to expect.
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