Dear Crickets Outside,

I have a confession to make. I cannot sing. I mean, with enough effort, I can hit the right note. Unfortunately, I just don't have that instinctive ability to sing on-key and am, in fact, rather tone deaf.

I often sing in the car alone, however. No one can hear me and I enjoy singing along with the record in the CD player. I figure "Hey, there's no harm done and I get to enjoy myself."

In public it's a bit of a different story. My gift to God on Sundays is not singing during the hymnals.

I personally don't wish for others to have to endure my singing voice, so I remorselessly keep my mouth shut.

God's creature to God's creature, between you and me, YOU MIGHT OUGHT TO CONSIDER DOING THE SAME! As much as it pains me to inform you, the noise that you are making outside is thoroughly unpleasent.

Not only that, but you make it at sundown every day, which is when I usually like to go out and watch the sunset. I'd go out there and sing with you, but I'm not a sadist to my neighbors, who are enduring you all with me, or a masochist to have to listen to you guys go at it.

Even when I don't go outside, you make it so loudly I can hear it through the walls. I have had a perpetual headache for the last four days thanks to you guys.

So stop. Please?

Best,
Author of the Blog You Do Not Read