I swear that I didn't intend for this to be an ongoing feature and I swear that when it stops being interesting, I'll move on to something else, but it doesn't appear that it's going to stop being interesting any time soon.

More observations:

Tense muscles are nothing new to me. What is unusual is when they get so bad that I have to do kalesthenics... several times a day. That's what I'm doing every chance I get so far. Kinda weird. Weirder still, I felt perfectly fine until I pulled on to the road where Gattaca is. Out of nowhere, while driving, my entire body tensed up.

My job largey consists of checking, double-checking, re-checking, and double re-checking the same data over and over again. It's the perfect position for someone with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. As such, I've named my department OCD (short for Operations Coordination Department).

Apparently, now that I've finished the first ten quizzes on the corporate bureaucracy, there are another 528 waiting for. They range from Bank of the Northern Hemisphere ATM Service & Warranty to Understanding Fin, Frm, Spc Keeper Features to Advanced Features to Flagging Labor to an ATM Repair Order.

I was relieved when I found out that I wasn't expected to take all those tests.

On days before a holiday, it's casual day. That meant that I got to take off my tie. Ooooh. Ahhhh.

Some dude has the same name as a character in one of my novels. It's not a very common name. I got it from a dream. Weird stuff.

Being a lowly OCD techie, I don't have my own phone line, of course, but "my" phone (I call it "my phone" despite the fact that I don't have any designated work area) rings with the rest and when no one is there, I'm supposed to answer it.

I'm afraid to answer the phone. Not because I can't handle people or the phone, but because I'm afraid I'm going to slip up. As a precautionary measure, I've decided to start going by my first name professionally. It's the only safeguard I have against a potential employer googling me. I respond to Rayford, but when I introduce myself, I tend to introduce myself by my more oft-used middle name. When I answer the phone, I go on to autopilot. Once when I was at my ex-girlfriend's house after having answered phones all day at work, I answered her telephone "Thank you for calling the McLoed House, this is Alex speaking, how may I help you?" I'm doomed.

I've discovered that in the advent of a fire alarm going off, the OCD is expected not to leave. We have a meeting area where, in the midst of smoke and fire, we are to devise a plan for saving as much data as possible.

These people are crazy.

I read the entire employee handbook today. It's the scariest document I've read in a long time. I kid you not, it reads like a jilted teenage lover swearing off romance forever. "Our feelings have been hurt by employees before, so we'll not give you the freedom to ever hurt us ever again."

Program 5515 is the program that monitors where we are. I type in someone's name, I immediately know where they are and where they're going.

The handbook actually addresses the entire "big brother" issue, saying essentially that those who have a problem with the company knowing where they are at all times with the touch of a button are lazy at best, trouble-makers at worst.

There is an entire page dedicated to "rotten apples" and how they spoil an entire barrel. It says under no uncertain terms that anyone with what they deem an "attitude problem" will be terminated.

They've been hurt in love before... I mean, they've had employees screw up their barrel.

Personal items in your workspace are heavily regulated. However, big gaudy trophies for various Gattaca Extra-curricular activities are everywhere.

Speaking of the term extra-curricular activities, a phrase usually associated with schools, they call their facilities a "campus."... given the meal cards and their desire for people not to leave during lunch, it feels a lot more like a high school campus than a college one.

I'm not saying that my new job is boring, but I read the entire handbook manual and department manual today.

I'm not saying that my new job is boring, but I read 600 department memos dating back eighteen months.

Twice.

I'm not saying that my new job is boring, but during lunch I noticed that after taking off my tie, I hadn't buttoned the collar buttons. I debated internally whether I should button them during lunch or wait until my shift started again so that I might have something to do.

I spent ten minutes asking myself whether or not I should button my durn collar.

I eventually decided that I would wait until my shift started so that I could scrape off fifteen seconds of work time with actually having something to do.

But I was still pissed at myself. The whole question could have been asked while I was on shift, thus giving me something to do for a whole ten minutes.

I'm not saying that my new job is boring, but I pondered the curious way the english language spells the word maintenance... why is it maintenance and not maintanence?

I pondered it for twenty minutes.

I'm not saying that my new job is boring, but for the last half hour of the shift, you have nothing to do because the next shift has already replaced you. All you can do is stand there and watch the clock. Second. After. Second.

I'm not saying that my new job is boring, but at UFC I often ducked my boss who would tack on assignments at the last minute that I didn't have time for. At Gattaca, I offered to walk across the building to find someone. I knew I was going to get lost. I was hoping for it.

Of course, Program 5515 would find me anyhow.

My desire to get lost could be proof that I'm lazy like the handbook suggests. They accuse naysayers of 5515 of wanting to get "lost" in a big organization to avoid work. Me? I wanted to get lost cause it would give me something to do.

I'm not saying that my new job is boring, but I scored a 93.3% on the Advanced Features to Flagging Labor to an ATM Repair Order test.

Note: I've changed Gattaca's mission from its real one to ATM machines. I'm not going to divulge much about the company itself, though if you're dying to know you can email me.

Note: My first name is not Rayford. I am sorta giving myself a pseudonym. I'll explain myself later.

Note: Everything else is pretty true. Including the 93.3.

Observations

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