When I interviewed for this job, I interviewed with four people. First it was an HR person, then some IT head, followed by the VP of IT, and ended with an independent consultant.

Yet, oddly, I never interviewed with the man that is now my boss. It was like interviewing with a fifth person, except that I am guaranteed the job.

"So tell me Mr. Whitlock, why aren't you with your former employer anymore?"

Gah!

I also took a number of tests to get this position. First it was a standard IQ test. Then I had to take a mental acuity, current events, mechanical aptitude, and personality profiling test all rolled in to one. Then, of course, was the drug test.

Since I've started, all I've been doing is taking more tests. As I read about the company's bureaucracy, I have to take quizzes on what all I've learned. If I fail them, I have to read it again before I get another crack at it. I've literally spent two days reading procedure after procedure (TPS report after TPS report) studying this company's bureaucracy. Two days and I'm still not done yet.

I've memorized my passcard number by now. It's a good thing because I have to punch in my code for everywhere that I go, plus an additional two numbers to indicate where I'm headed. You type in a six digit number 30 times a day, you memorize it pretty quickly.

I also found out today that I'm only four promotions away from scoring a position as a junior technician. Woohoo!

They like lists at Gattaca. For instance, they make a list of the people that take the most incoming (and make the most outgoing) personal phone calls and post the list for all the world to see to encourage you not to make phone calls unnecessarily by humiliating you if you do.

My "Let's all welcome the new employee!" picture is the worst I've ever seen of me. I look like I weigh 400 pounds, I'm slouching, and my tie is way crooked.

While some companies strongly discouraging dating in the work place, they take a different tactic. They want you to cut off all communication with former employees. If the employee happens to work for a client, you are instructed to deny them any of the help their employer pays for. They have a list of the meanies that left to work for a client posted everywhere and they inform you that helping these people do their job will get you fired.

Today I read a fifteen page document on the history of the company (and of the many companies that they've picked up along the years). I'd tell you about it, but I fear if I do they will have me killed.

These people are crazy.

Four months... four months...