Not one to comment on movies that often, I actually commented on Gigli when they were doing post-post-oh-my-goodness-this-movie-is-pure-awfulness-post-post-production.

I'd say some more mean things about it, but I said my piece in the post and in the comments section of it. Besides, The Onion's article had me laughing hysterically.

It reminds me of a couple things, such as when I smiled when a main character died in one of my ex-girlfriend Anna's chick flicks and I smiled because that was the only way to salvage the mediocre story.

It specifically reminds me of an experience watching a Freddy Prinze Jr. movie. Anna loved Prinz movies so I got to see all of his romantic dramadies while we were together. I chided her about it, but in all honesty she'd agree that I was a pretty good sport about it.

One weekend we saw Boys and Girls, which actually might have been his best movie had it not been for their futile efforts to pretend that in any life someone who looks like Prinze could ever be an unpopular nerd (note to filmmakers: don't even try).

Anyhow, so we were watching the movie about two friends who gradually drift towards romantic intent when, after a series of events I cannot recall, they ended up in bed together.

I looked at my watch (as all guys do during Prinze movies. Repeatedly) and saw that we were fifty-five minutes and thirteen seconds into the film. Much to my dismay and Prinze's, she wasn't there when he woke up in the morning, which Portended Drama (bad for Prinze cause drama requires acting, bad for me cause I had to watch).

He tracked her down in the rain and she blew him off (1:01:41). Suddenly I started laughing. Not like a chuckle, but a actual laughter. I mean, I was trying to suppress it, but it came out muffled all the same. Anna asked me if I was feeling okay. Once I stopped biting my lip she could see that I was laughing and not coughing. She shook her head and kept watching and I looked at my watch again, still chuckling (1:03:08).

She elbowed me, asked me what was going on. "I'll tell you later," I said as Prinze and Forlani sadly walked away from one another (1:04:23). When that happened, I knew I had to get my act together, so I took a couple deep breaths, lost the laughter, but not the mischevous smile.

When we finally left, she asked me what the hell had been going on.

"I came up with a movie idea," I explained.

"Another one?"

"Yup. It's about this guy and this girl. He's a nerd, except he looks like Freddie Prinze Jr. so he can't really be a nerd, but he's a nerd in the way that Hollywood tries to put glasses and braces on a supermodel to make them a nerd. Anyway, so he meets this girl, right? And they keep meeting in all these odd places. They become good friends, but of course he wants more and she doesn't realize it, but she does, too..."

"Alex, that's the movie we just saw."

"I'm not done yet."

She sighed, "okay, continue."

"So then they both get a little drunk or he's really sad or she's really sad or whatever. they sleep together. But when he wakes up, she's gone..."

"Alex..."

"I'm not done yet!"

"Okay, okay."

"So she's gone when he wakes up. he tracks her down and talks to her. She says that she's not ready for a relationship and he gets all mad. Then one hour, four minutes, and twenty-three seconds into the movie, the credits roll."

"Huh?"

"That's it. All this build-up and then nothing actually works out. No climax. No feelings resolved. He's miserable. She's miserable. It's great!"

"No, that's not great, that's a big waste of time."

"Maybe, but it's a waste of one hour, four minutes, and twenty-three seconds instead of one hour, forty-two minutes, and forty-six seconds."

She was not amused.

"Besides, it actually has a different ending than the rest. So it's not really a waste at all. It's different, so it's art."

"You should be glad the movie didn't end like that, Alex."

"Why is that?"

"Because you would have had to dealt with me crying and you said you hate to see me cry."

I always hated it when she was right.